well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You dont lie about slip and slides
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
