Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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