Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize