first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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