At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
