yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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