i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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