I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he thought i was a dude.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
