Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
