There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
