screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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