i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
