I'm gonna have a badass scar
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
