The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
