chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
