you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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