and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
