I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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