So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
