Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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