you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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