I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
