My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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