brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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