I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I smell stomach acid.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
