why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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