There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
