do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
