"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
