Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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