All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I want to be your penis for a week.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
