i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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