Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
