We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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