i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
