I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I didn't shave. On purpose
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize