Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
