hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
