doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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