remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
