i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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