party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
