I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
