so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
