i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Damn victory sex feels great
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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