how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
