I hate all girls vehemently.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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