If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
