is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
