I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
