I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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