so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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