This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
