You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
