he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
