No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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