I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
