Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
