you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
