Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
