i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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