My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
