her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
