she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
