just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
did i just pee glitter
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
