Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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