hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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