well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
