By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just want to make out with him forever
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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